Now that the Grand Theft Auto: The Trilogy-The Definitive Edition has been released, it has garnered a wealth of criticism and mediocre reviews from across the videogame media.
A trilogy meant to celebrate the 20th anniversary of Grand Theft Auto 3’s initial release, has instead ended up an ugly and confused mess, containing a host of technical issues and jarring omissions that have let the seismic GTA fanbase down.
The following is a list of 60 ways to improve the GTA Trilogy (20 improvements per instalment) and make it a true Definitive Edition without any worries of becoming a hack job. This list is meant to be a wish list of what these GTA games could be like if they were remakes.
GRAND THEFT AUTO 3
1.Fix The Shooting Mechanics
Playing GTA 3 these days is like returning to a nuisance friend, the one you still consider a friend even though he does all he can to aggravate you but you still turn up at his time and again because you have the power of diligence without the gift of sense. Point is playing GTA 3 with its iffy and frustrating targeting system is as fun as riding down a hill in a trolly full of mouse traps-you might be gleeful about the ride going down but your appendages will make it painful doing so.
2.Provide More Side-Activities
It’s all well and good hopping inside an Ambulance for Paramedic missions, a police car for Vigilante missions, a fire truck for Firefighter missions or a taxi for taxi fare missions-but a reprieve from balling around Liberty City hectically trying to beat the timer to the next location is such a needless adrenaline rush. GTA 3 could do with hitman-style missions where Claude takes down targets stealthily, as he is trained in assassination considering he successfully took care of Salvatore Leone after he unsuccessfully put tried to get Claude killed.
3.Allow Claude The Ability To Swim
Nothing can be as tedious and idiotic these days is seeing a cold-blooded mute who is capable of killing hundreds of thousands of pedestrians with all manner of artillery, enter the water surrounding Liberty City and drown like a cat. Watching helplessly as your health bar depletes rapidly due to Claude being dipped into a water source is such a frequent irritation that needs to go away. Claude either needs to swim or have access to some rubber bands and rubber rings.
4.Make Bikes And Planes Readily Available
In 2001 motorbikes were non-existent and your only opportunity to take to the skies was in an unwieldy Dodo plane, this despite seeing helicopters being flown by NPCs. It’s time GTA 3 got with the times because it’s a 20 year-old game that deserves to be brought up to date and adding motorbikes and aircraft is one subtle way to modernize GTA 3 for the better.
5.Take Out Time-Sensitivity In Missions
This old design idiosyncrasy needs to be kicked back to 2001 and stay there. Out of all of the frustrating design decisions in GTA 3, timed missions are one of the most egregious. One mission has you delivering three sports cars to a lock-up with a strict time limit-and there’s no reason for it whatsoever, who is so desperate to want three sports cars delivered in a matter of a few minutes? It’s atrociously stupid, but is far from the only instance where this occurs. These timed requirements suck the joy out of playing GTA 3 and they need to go.
6.Up GTA 3’s Arsenal
No please don’t read that wrong, nothing should go up GTA 3’s arsehole, but it does need a renewed arsenal of weapons. The standard lot is ok with the usual assortment of one variant of pistol, Uzi, shotgun, assault rifle and sniper rifle on top of a rocket launcher, a flamethrower and a couple of throwables including grenades and Molotov Cocktails. There simply needs to be more variation and diversity, it was ok for 2001 but now it’s time to update.
7.Make A Cover System
Cover systems are a modern staple of shooters and all kinds of action game, therefore it is imperative for GTA 3 to include one.
8.Give Us A Diverse Array of Boats
Boats in GTA 3 are boring to drive, lacking in colour and you can’t even tune in to radio stations when you ride them. Many kinds of boats and watercraft have been added to the series since, so GTA 3 could do with plenty more boats.
9.Make Dodo Plane Controls Easier
If you mosey on down to Shoreside Vale and access the airport, you will find a dinky Dodo plane to fly. Problem is flying one of these untamed barrens is infuriating and makes you wish you hadn’t bothered getting in one. Usually, to gain success you have to ride all the way along the runway and then set off whilst attempting to keep the thing steady-it’s about as chore like as most of the game. Time to get these controls overhauled.
10.Allow Claude To Wear New Outfits
An orange jumpsuit at the start of the game and for the rest of it a black leather jacket and khaki trousers. I don’t think Claude has any hygiene standards, but I think we need to impose them on him, he needs new attires stat.
11.Provide More Safe Houses
Only three safehouses are available to save your game, one on each of the three islands in GTA 3. No good, there needs to be more safe houses which can be purchasable by the player.
12.Take Out The Mission Monotony
Many missions in GTA 3 feel monotonous to play. We all know Claude is a task man, he performs jobs for various mobsters and gets paid handsomely for it, but at times the player may have more fun dunking Claude mute head underwater and devilishly chortle to themselves as they watch Claude drown.
13.Update Car Physics
It would be pleasant to drive vehicles in GTA 3 that don’t feel like controlling a buggy sliding along an ice rink. The weight distribution needs to be given some thought and the feeling like you’re driving properly manoeuvrable cars.
14.Make The Police Less Irritating
Nothing chars the buttocks like attempting to make a desperate escape from the popo only to have one of those fed-mobliles clang you like an NFL quarterback, leaving your vehicle critically damaged. The intensity of the police in GTA 3 is too overwhelming-yes it’s meant to be like that, but when you are suffocated in their presence especially during mission it’s not enjoyable it’s arduous.
15.Refurbish Visual Quality
The remastered GTA 3 is an improvement as far as visuals are concerned but it’s still too barren and blocky. A pristine overhaul will make Liberty City a whole new place, even if you make it look the same as GTA IV’s it’ll still be a massive improvement.
16.Give Us More Alternatives To Evade Cops
There is only one true option to escape the feds in GTA 3-drag your beaten up husk of vehicle to Pay N Spray. Watch as those blinking Wanted stars gradually disappear to nothing and resume your activities uninterrupted. Yet any seasoned GTA player knows how much of a pain in the ass it is to flea from a 5 star wanted level as swarms of FBI flood the screen like a foreboding gunk. This is where disguises or escaping a circular zone would have made proceedings a bit easier to cope with.
17.Make Greater Use Out Of The Bomb Garage
8-Ball’s bomb shop has only ever been used during missions and hasn’t served a greater purpose beyond that. I’m sure that if it was used properly, this bomb shop would’ve held all manner of different kinds of bombs for different purposes and the bombs themselves could be used in unique ways.
18.Diversify The Weather
Usually it’s either raining or it’s dry in Liberty City and that’s rather boring. Dynamic weather changes and diversity therein could make for interesting gameplay possibilities. I always wanted to use a sled to slide down inclines in Portland near Salvatore’s house.
19.Make Ammunation A Proper Store
It reeks of cut corners when the only way to purchase a gun is to enter the open door of Ammunation and pick a weapon that’s bouncing up and down in a circular icon. The bloke at the counter shouldn’t even be there as he is purposeless.
20.Make Jets Pilotable
Again, heading down to Shoreside Vale’s airport and there’s only one dinky uncontrollable plane you get to fly. Yet all those static jets you see merely acting as set dress, should be pilotable.
GRAND THEFT AUTO: VICE CITY
1.Fix The A.I
Certain missions in Vice City have you buddying up or rescuing an A.I character and you definitely do not want them running around mindlessly when there’s plenty of fuzz about. Take the mission where you break Cam Jones out of jail, his A.I might get confused and buzz about the place like he lost his imaginary glasses somewhere, next thing you know a cop opens up your car door and busts you all because Cam was off with the fairies. Modern games demand A.I to be seamless and so it is vital that a renewed Vice City has great A.I.
2.Make The Malibu And Pole Position Clubs More Interesting
When its time to party in a club or with another NPC woman making love to a stripper pole, there has to be better ways to interact with the environment. Why couldn’t we get up close to sniff the musk of the men in that Village People tribute band in the Malibu? Some dance minigame or bartending game would make the club feel more a part of Vice City than just a setting where those heist missions take place.
3.Add Jet Skis, Surfboarding, Wakeboarding And Sailing
Vice City is set in Florida, Florida is known for its serene beaches and palm trees-so why not let us bask in the sea with a surfboard and ride the waves? Wakeboarding would be great fun too, just hope that Tommy knows how to swim.
4.Make Better Use Out Of Leaf Links Golf Course
Only one mission in Vice City has anything to do with Leaf Links and that’s a bloomin shame. Oh and it’s the one mission where a random citizen shouts “nice ass baby” while Tommy is decked out in tartan golf garb. Golfing really needed to be a side activity in Vice City and thus in a remake it should be done.
5.Make The Shopping Malls Look Like Real Shopping Malls
The PS2’s processing power wasn’t capable of producing the American mall experience but they could’ve felt a little less abandoned than they were. Malls should be bustling and packed with people as you struggle to move free.
6.Give Us The Chance To Visit Big Mitch Baker’s Bar
Bikers are some of the hardest folks on the planet and the incentive to rough house them like Arnie did in Terminator 2 is irresistible. The temptation to snap a pool cue over a biker’s head is too good, even if you will be victimized by the red hot temper and raging fists of biker fury.
7.Insert A Side Activity Where We Can Organize Yacht Parties
Just like that Juan Garcia Cortez mission where you’re introduced to the game’s smorgasbord of personalities-being able to host our own parties on a cruise ship would be amazeballs. Could you imagine the outrageous behaviour of Love Fist if they were surrounded by young lasses in swimsuits? Perhaps you should avert your eyes, but organizing parties in Vice City would be tops.
8.Allow Us To Purchase And Operate Hotels
Great hotels are as luxurious as Vice City is and it would make for a great side venture for Tommy Vercetti to dig into.
9.Give Tommy Vercetti Water Wings
Really it’d be quite amusing because just like Claude Tommy can’t swim, so giving him armbands for swimming would just be adorable.
10.Put More DIY Weapons In The Game
You could already buy a machete, cleaver, chainsaw, hammer and chisel, so even more DIY equipment to maim enemies with would just be splendid. Fancy a nail gun or drill to do the damage for you? Then these tools are a must.
11.Make Movies at Steve Scott’s Film Studio
Though some blocked out pornos might be nice, making actual movies of some kind will make use of the studio, sure beats getting into a seaplane and delivering flyers like you do in the original game.
12.Give Us More To Do At The Boat Hangar
The boat hangar in Vice City is reduced to a small cutscene featuring Duane and Jethro and a stunt-oriented checkpoint race called ‘Checkpoint Charlie’. Give us more things to do at the hangar and more boats to ride.
13.Go Fishing
Fishing is a leisurely activity and in Vice City there’s a great huge body of water to snag a good catch-so why not?
14.Make Tommy Climb
Tommy should be able to climb ladders and walls it’ll just make navigating VC less trouble than it can be at times.
15.Add in Empire Building
Just like in Vice City Stories, building an empire by owning and controlling businesses and rackets is very gangster and Tommy Vercetti is a gangster-it’s win-win.
16.Give Tommy A Wardrobe
Tommy can be decked out with various suits in Vice City-problem is you need to enter a t-shirt icon at select locations to change him into a specific attire. All of Tommy’s clothes and outfits really need a wardrobe to keep everything orderly and easily accessible.
17.Give Us Access To The VCN News Station
VCN is a news station that can be found downtown and it’s unused. Just imagine invading the news station to spread a message and perhaps do some sleuthing in.
18.Redesign The Map
As lovely as Vice City is to explore it’s too small and insignificant. You know in Liberty City where you are because there are three clear parts of the map-Portland, Staunton Island and Shoreside Vale. Vice City isn’t labelled or separated in as clear a fashion even though roads open up as you progress through the story. At least the areas are more diverse than in GTA 3. Yet the problem is the beach takes up a huge amount of space and should be shrunk down in order to make way for more roads and areas of interest.
19.Make Heist Missions A Bit Less Chaotic
The heist missions in Vice City can be the most exciting but also the most annoying and frustrating. The police are a constant presence and the A.I can suck, so toning them down a bit might help in them being properly enjoyable.
20.Give The Ship Interiors
That container ship you find next to the boat hangar is such a cardboard space. It’s filled with security but it could do with proper interiors as well as exteriors with hulls and quarters that give the ship a definition and sense of place.
GRAND THEFT AUTO: SAN ANDREAS
1.Make Two-Player Accessible Across The Story
A two-player GTA you can play with someone else during the main missions would be superb and the enjoyment will go through the roof so it’s a no-brainer.
2.Improve Stealth Mechanics
In the mission where you steal Mad Dogg’s rhyme book for OG Loc, the stealth mechanic is extremely basic. What was a brilliant animation in 2004 is very generic now and more stealthy manoeuvres are needed.
3.Make It So Big Smoke Rides The Bike
All you had to do was follow the damn train CJ! Those very words uttered from Big Smoke’s mouth ensnare a piercing dread no player wants to hear. So maybe the godfather of fat should drive and allow CJ to shoot. I get this likely wouldn’t make a remake but it certainly will save people from headaches.
4.Make Homies Available In All Cities
Grove Street maybe home but CJ has been crossing over from California to Nevada and the further he goes the more backup he requires. Maybe they call them “homies” for a reason but they’re there to protect your back so why not take them on the road?
5.Include Delivery Missions For Burger Shot, Cluckin Bell & Well Stacked Pizza
A small thing that will make the world of San Andreas feel more significant in a subtle way. Delivery missions are a bit cumbersome and repetitive, but I’d personally like to see the differences in deliveries across the main three fast-food restaurants in San Andreas. Cluckin Bell seems shady because of the state of their chickens (according to their radio song at least), so it’d be a source of great interest to see how ethical they really are or not.
6.Make Beach Parties A Regular Feature
CJ gets down only once at the beachside in the first mission for OG Loc where you go on to trick the DJ and steal her sound system. There’s something very chill about dancing to chill music surrounded by people and a bonfire at the beach, so give us an eclectic selection of the game’s radio station hits to dance and jam to.
7.Trips To Liberty City Should Be Done When Desired
Heading to Liberty City was a special experience playing San Andreas back in the day, but we should’ve been able to return there and explore Liberty City without restrictions. Again, it wasn’t possible on old hardware, but now it’d be a treat all over again if we could return to LC and admiring all the wonderful details.
8.Boat School Should Be More Prominent
The boat school was an afterthought in San Andreas. This ground for vessel tutelage was nestled out of the way a little beyond the main portion of San Fierro and it didn’t feature an instructor either.
9.Make Dates More Interesting
Taking one of CJs girlfriends out in San Andreas amounts to a dinner date displayed with a cheesy cutscene and driving her around places she may or may not fancy. These dates are quite uneventful, so sprucing them up with competitive games of sport and giving CJ and his gal a deluge of choices in what to do will only make the dates more memorable and timeless.
10.Add A Skateboard
One of the coolest extreme sports there is should be in San Andreas because there is a park in Los Santos perfect for it. Skateboarding complements CJs swagger and the gangster lifestyle so it should be added. There’s graffiti in the game also but without skateboarding its like a pizza without the cheese.
11.Drastically Alter Zero’s Missions
Highly regarded as the worst missions in San Andreas, Zero’s RC-related exploits are a pain in the ass. The plane in particular is a nightmare to control and with the deliverymen carrying guns on their bikes, they can destroy you quite easily. Oh sure your plane has a machine gun, but controlling the plane on the ground is terrible and wonky. Perhaps if the plane was fitted with bombs that boast a huge blast radius they’d be much preferred.
12.Fix The Targeting
Just like with Vice City and GTA 3, the targeting in San Andreas can be troublesome. Heck in the new “Definitive Edition” version it’s arguably worse than it was in the original PS2 game. Apparently the new GTA Trilogy was going to be fitted with GTA V mechanics, but that certainly doesn’t appear to be the case in San Andreas because the imprecise aiming hasn’t been fixed at all. So basically if San Andreas gets remade it needs GTA V’s shooting mechanics or it’ll be a bust.
13.Make Burglary Missions Prominent
Besides the Ryder mission ‘Home Invasion’, burglaries take a back seat for the rest of San Andreas when they should’ve been way more prominent. The game doesn’t do a good job of reminding you that you can commit burglaries in All three cities contain one site where a Boxville truck can be found and driven to houses where the property pinching can proceed. This unnecessary activity simply needs to evolve into a full-blow side mission.
14.Make Restaurants Larger
Restaurants are puny in San Andreas and they could do with looking more presentable and authentic. In addition, it might be necessary for players to snoop around the back of Cluckin Bell to see what the employees are doing with the chickens.
15.Enlarge The Gyms
Gyms are great in San Andreas because you can learn new martial arts techniques. Gyms could do with being larger much like the restaurants, with a more activities to participate in too.
16.Improve Handling Of Quad Bikes
When you’ve reached the Badlands and had the displeasure of meeting and making acquaintance with Catalina, you will hit four targets to commit robberies in, one of which has you racing after money which has been stolen by some countryside hicks. Your job is to chase after them on the most unwieldy quad bikes you’ve ever handled in any game, gun those hillbillys down and retrieve the floating briefcase icons. The handling on these quad bikes is atrocious, don’t be surprised if you fail this mission with Catalina. A remake would make QBs a joy instead of a nightmare to ride.
17.Make Monster Trucks More Common
There’s only a single mission where a monster truck is used-the one where an identified person calls CJ and gets you to travel to a ranch where a bloke instructs you to get behind the wheel of a hulking monster truck and barrel your way down and traverse up countrysides in a checkpoint time trial. Monster trucks shouldn’t take a backseat in any game and San Andreas would elevate its fun profile by making them more regular and devastating.
18.Change That Las Venturas Police Bike Stealing Mission
The mission ‘Cop Wheels’ forces CJ to steal 4 cop bikes and ride them onto the back of a transporter truck. The only way you can complete this task successfully is by following markers where each police bike can be found parked. You can’t steal 4 of these bikes and save them in a garage for use, and there’s a time limit-and we know how passe timed missions in GTA can be-so they should be gotten rid of entirely.
19.Put In A Side Mission Where You Tie Victims To The Front of Vehicles
Fender Ketchup is your introductory Las Venturas assignment, where Johnny Sindacco is tied to the front of a Feltzer and your objective is to drive really fast, on the wrong side of traffic and perform jumps, driving recklessly to scare Johnny into extracting information. I feel this mission is one of a kind in San Andreas and that they could’ve expanded as a gang-related side mission in Las Venturas. I don’t know why Salvatore Leone didn’t get you to tie hoodlums to the windshield of a vehicle and do the same things to force information from the victims. It’s too good of an idea not to be used widely.
20.Make Import/Export Missions Broader
Importing and exporting vehicles down at the San Fierro docks is great but ideally you should be afforded the opportunity to deliver non four-wheeled vehicles too. Much like the activity in Vice City, there are only so many cars you can drop off until you’ve checked them all off, so increasing incentives should be considered in a radically improved version of San Andreas.
