Feature: 4 Ways To Tell You're Playing Too Much Of One Game

Lately, I’ve become obsessed with Awesomenauts. From the moment I wake up to the second I go to sleep, Awesomenauts occupies some space in my brain. It’s gotten bad, really bad. I’ve clocked in over 170 hours since purchasing the MOBA on Steam a few weeks ago. 170 hours. That’s over a week of my life. An entire week spent sitting in front of a laptop, curtains closed, phone off the hook and the door locked. It’s only now that I’ve realised I’m playing this game too damn much.

Below are the symptoms that I personally identified. I think it’s in the interest of every gamer and their family and friends (or associates, some gamers don’t like the attachment of friends,) that you check out the below list and take the appropriate measures.

1. You dream that you’re playing.

You know when you’ve had a really good day? Whether it’s a football match you played a part in and scored the winning goal, or your first date with a lovely lady/gent, you just want to relive it over and over again. So you get into bed on the night of what has been a terrifically brilliant day and you close your eyes, maybe give your pillow a cuddle and start to picture those glorious moments in your mind’s eye as you drift off to sleep.

For me, it’s Awesomenauts. Even on the rare days that I go without having at least one online battle, I’ll still fall asleep thinking about it. It gets worse. I’ll actually dream that I’m playing it. You know those dreams where you sort of know what’s going on? They’re the type of dreams that Awesomenauts induces. I’ll be actively playing the game, the opponents even take the names of people who I regularly play against on Steam. Sometimes I lose, sometimes I win, sometimes I even rage-quit, just like in real life.

If you get to the point, no matter what game it is by the way, that you’re actively playing the game in your dreams and losing, you need to give it a break. To lose in real life is disappointing, but to lose in your own bloody dream? I’m replacing the placard on my desk with Mr. Pathetic…

2. Friends don’t matter, neither does anybody else.

It may come as a surprise, but I actually have friends as well as a long-term girlfriend (and as a result of that, a severe drinking problem.)

Most people can tear themselves away from the screen for a few seconds to acknowledge somebody walking into a room, saying hello, or even throwing a cup at your head. Not me. Not when Lonestar’s victory tune is fired up and blaring as I smash my enemies into a wall with my holo-bull. Seriously, my girlfriend came into the living room the other day and tried to speak to me (so she claims…) but apparently I just ignored her as I was playing. She poked me with a pen (again, I can’t be sure, I was in the zone, man!) and in the end she got fed up and decided to throw my coffee mug at the back of my head. I’ll be completely honest, I didn’t even realise she was in the room. I was glued to the screen and nothing was going to tear my away from my 6th straight victory.

My advice: if people can physically abuse you and get away with it because you’re distracted by a game, just be careful who’s in the vicinity…

3. Buying DLC you won’t even use.

I hate DLC. With a passion. You only have to say the words “download” and “content” within the same hour and I turn a shade of purple. It’s the biggest rip-off in gaming and has done nothing but aggravate players with day-one DLC and on-disc DLC.

That said, I’ve bought every single piece of download content for Awesomenauts, and they’re only character skins. The worst part? I’ve only ever used 2 different skins out of the 10 or more I’ve bought. I don’t know why I need them, I just saw they were available and wanted them. You know how a crack-addict sees crack and wants it? I’m just like that, it’s that simple.

If you find yourself buying character skins, coloured guns or some fancy avatar crap that you won’t even use, take a break. Walk to the kitchen, make yourself a sandwich and then sit on the john for a bit. Reflect on your purchases and realise that for the cost of five new character costumes you could have bought yourself a used game on eBay.

4. Swearing like a motherf”%^&r!

I’m pretty level-headed when it comes to games, and life in general. I once went 2-26 in a game of Domination on Black Ops 2, I laughed it off and played again. I once got hit by a car on the way to work, I laughed it off and crawled to work. My point is, I’m not an angry person. I’m the guy at the party that won’t be doing the weed because he’s high on life (or a secret stash of something else, whatever.) However, put me in a game of Awesomenauts where my team-mates are complete and utter moose crap, I go ape poop. Add in some “cheap” tactics being employed by the other team who are levelling up off of my team-mates seemingly lack of brain-power and I’ve entered rage mode.

It’s bad. Really bad. Awesomenauts doesn’t let you voice chat, but it does allow typing messages so everyone in the game can see. I’m more than ashamed to admit that I’ve gotten way too pissed at the dubious goings on that I’ve dished out some pretty vile insults. I’ve threatened to find where they offending players live, take their keyboards and shove them so far up their arse that when they speak they’ll be typing the same crap they spew. That’s not even the worst. Mothers have been involved. Theirs. Mine. Their mother’s mother, my mother’s mother, maybe even your mother’s mother. I’m not proud (although sometimes I do chuckle at my ingenuity, I really do have a way with words when I’m up for it,) and it’s for this reason and the prior three that I’m retiring from Awesomenauts.

If you’ve experienced any of the above symptoms, I highly suggest that you seek out the root of the problem, remove the offending game from your collection and learn to imagine that words can be pictures. In other words, read a nice book.

On that note, I’m going to start with Harry Potter for some light reading. Or maybe just one more game of Awesomenauts…

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