When you kick back and relax with your preferred sports game, do you ever imagine what those little digital men (and women now, thanks to FIFA 16) get up to when they’re not being paid obscene amounts of money for doing something any kid would do for free? Thanks to todays celebrity culture and endless gossip columns in the daily toilet papers, we’re always being reminded that sports stars are just regular people and that they, too, like to indulge in some of life’s naughtiest things.
But do you expect it to cross over into video games? Not really. How would you feel if you booted up FIFA, went into a game and recieved a message that your star striker won’t be playable because he’s sat in the dugouts dribbling like a bag of kittens because the reserve goal keeper flogged him some dodgy MDMA? It’d be hilarious and we’d give mad props to the digital artist who manages to perfectly capture the look of absent wonder on the aforementioned strikers face – dribble rolling down the chin for bonus points.
Unfortunately it doesn’t look like any sports game will go to those extremes just yet, but NBA 2K16 is taking a shot. The sports simulator recent got rated by the ESRB ratings authority and what it had to say about the game was a little bit shocking. The ESRB notes that NBA 2K16 is a basketball simulation that allows players to compete in tournaments, play seasons and also manage individual franchises and the careers of their own user-created player. Sounds fine so far, then. But then there’s this.
“Accompanying cutscenes include occasional references to violence: accidental deaths of characters are briefly discussed; one character mentions “open[ing] my wrists or jump[ing] in front of an A train.” Dialogue also contains some suggestive material: discussion of ‘thirsty hotties,” a car described as an “aphrodisiac for hotties,” a man singing, ‘Love it how the bunnies bounce when they’re on top.’ Characters also make fleeting references to alcohol: “[W]hen he wasn’t trashed. . .”; “[Y]ou see that’s my new mouth wash. Hmm…distilled?’ The word “damn” appears in dialogue.”
It actually sounds quite realistic, doesn’t it?
NBA 2K16 will release on September 29th for the PS4, Xbox One, PC, Xbox 360 and PS3. There are a few different editions available for pre-order, but none come with big-booty women nor copious amounts of alcohol.