Ubisoft Sticks It to the Hipsters and Neckbeards With a Cheeky Assassin’s Creed Syndicate Easter Egg

Have you ever walked down the street, looked inside a coffee shop and seen a bunch of bellends who all look the same? You know the sort. The ice-gem haircut, the stupidly tight jeans that prove they’ve no genitalia to speak of, the ridiculous beards, and of course, the stupidly priced coffee. We’ve all seen them. You might even be one of them. (Please leave.)

How to tell the world you're a dickhead, without using a single word.
How to tell the world you’re a dickhead, without using a single word.

On a personal note, they annoy me and I know it shouldn’t get to me as much as it does, but they all look the same while trying to be “unique”. They may be human beings, but only yesterday I was in town and I observed – no bloody joke – one guy in the full-on ‘hipster’ uniform (optional cigarette hanging out of his mouth) leaning against the wall of a bank (sort of contradicts the ‘hipster’ movement) posing as if he was in a photo shoot. Well, he was actually; he brought along with him his idiot stick and proceeded to take endless amounts of pictures of himself while endangering the heads of any old ladies trying to get into the bank.

For 25 minutes. It actually put me off my lunch. Sod off fella, I thought.

Go on mate, such that cancer stick. You'll look just as cool with an oxygen tank in 40 years time.
Go on mate, suck that ciggy. You’ll look just as cool with an oxygen tank in 40 years time.

Thankfully I’m not alone in my digust for these walking, talking ballbags. The developers behind Assassin’s Creed Syndicate also have something of a disliking for the annoying wannabe hobos. In the latest time-travelling adventure you’ll come across many a character, some of which are historically relevant. One of them is Karl Marx, and if you go into his in-game bio you’ll find a cheeky jab at those flannel shirt wearing tosspots.

“Perhaps his greatest contribution to society was to inspire millions of young men around the world to grow disastrous neckbeards, wear skinny jeans, and bloviate endlessly about the “capitalist machine” whilst drinking thimbles of artisanal coffee in neighbourhoods that cats wouldn’t be caught dead pissing in.”

I’m not Ubisoft’s biggest fan at the moment, and Assassin’s Creed Syndicate left me wanting more, but I’ll be the first to declare that whoever within Ubisoft’s ranks wrote this (in-game it’s the English assassin Shaun Hastings) is alright in my book. More of this please. Oh, and some resolution over the modern-day story that’s being dragged through the crap with every game since Assassin’s Creed III. Cheers.

In hindsight, it sort of makes sense why the main antagonist looks like your modern day prat…



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